Here is the first of five sessions on this floor. It is at this stage where we start to rebuild our reciovered self. We need to know where the challenges are coming from.
This is the introduction to the third stage of the course and is where we are now going to start building!
This is the first of many sessions on the ideas around co-dependence and the effective recovery from it. In this first session I talk about one of the most important differences from the way it is generally viewed. That is the reverse addict. I developed this term after working with several co-dependents and seeing the way that several things were 'reversed' even though in many ways they act like addicts.
Please do not expect to understand these things straight away. It takes time to grasp certain concepts, especially when you are in the middle of them! Take the time to listen and learn and do not try to change things too quickly.
This is an introduction to the ideas behind the co-dependent or 'reverse addict' as I call it. Some of these ideas are well known and have been observed for a long time. However as we get more into the subject, the particular way I view this in the A2R approach will become more clear.
As you learn more about your motibvations and the way that your past and your relationships continue to have an influence on how things work out, please take the time to thoroughly digest the particular ways you are involved. This is a much better approach than rushing into changing things as a sort of 'knee jerk' reaction.
If you are affected by these issues please consider subscribing on my web site for the whole series and I will send you regular updates. If you know someone who is living with this issue please send them the link.
In this the final session in the foundation stage we take a look at the positioning of the boundary fences. Every property is next to anothers and we must do our best to make sure we are not building on someone elses land or that we are making our property too small.
Take the time now to allow these questions to sink in and apply them to your situation and relationships with your close ones, friends and family. It will be time well spent in the long run!
In this third session of the foundation stage we are reminded that we are still in the early stages of development. Things can still be changed at this stage in the size and design of the rooms etc. Spend some time noe thinking about the future you are commiting to in terms of the relative sizes of the rooms. Are you making some rooms too big whilst others are too small?
What are your commitments to others and will you be happy with the future this produces? Only time will tell but we must do our best to plan and buld well. Much easier to make changes at this stage than later.
In this second session we look at the idea of security and stability not in a general sense but, now that we have our rooms planned, in the particular context of each room in the house. It is at this stage that you can more readily discern where the real problems may lie ahead. Is it in your relationship? Is it in your family? Is it in your interests and friendships?
Only you will know this and so do not even think about skipping this vital step. Spend time considering each room in turn and if they are not secure, do not feel bad. You have just learned some vital information! Just do not be tempted to buld on top of such a foundation. Wait until it is secure before continuing.
Here is the first session in the foundation section of the course. I am always amazed at the richness of this metaphor of a building! And in the question for this session it delivers once again! In our metaphor the materials are the things we buld with. These will include the standard building materials such as honesty and humility but there will be individual comodoties that apply to you particularly. Think of this question and spend some time thinking about what materials you will need and your commitment towards using them.
Do not skimp on the quality of materials you are needing to employ. These things will come back to haunt you when you see that quality of home you have built for yourself if you think like so many others that you can get away with inferior quality and commitment.
Remeber, you are building for the future!
This session introduces the Second stage of the course which is the Foundation. Nothing is so important as the foundation of a building! It is the thing upon which everything else rests and is the thing on which the whole building relies. It does not matter how well designed or well constructed the rest of the house is if the foundation is not planned and constructed correctly the whole thing is destined for disaster!
There are four sessions in this stage and all are crucial to your recovery. One of the biggest mistakes I see is that people often mistake the foundation for recovery itself! Acutally it is effectively abstinence. And abstinence is not recovery! As always, please be encouraged to listen to all theses sessions carefully and allow all the ideas to sink in and be applied to your individual situation.
And don't forget to pass this on to anyone who may need it!
Dave
In the final session of this first stage we are asked to consider the following planning question. Which rooms do you want in your recovery building? Again these are critical questions for our growth and development. We cannot expect to build something worth while, solid and stable unless we know what it will look like when it is finished. What is important to us in our recovered self? What do we want to spend our time doing? How do we want to alocate that time?
